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Bar & Bat Mitzvah Family Guide

Mazal tov! We are thrilled to celebrate this special milestone with you as part of our vibrant and growing community. A Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a joyous occasion—not just for your child, but for your whole family and the wider congregation. More than a single day of celebration, it is a meaningful journey of growth and development, rooted in Jewish tradition.

To help guide you through this exciting time, we’ve put together some key information on what to expect and how to prepare in the months and years ahead. Of course, every journey is unique, so please don’t hesitate to reach out to our team with any questions. We look forward to celebrating with you!

Information and Pathway for Bar/Bat Mitzvah families

  1. Parent/s of Bar or Bat Mitzvah children will be invited to meet with the Rabbi approximately two years prior to the Bar or Bat Mitzvah.
  2. At the meeting with the Rabbi, the provisional dates will be discussed and options made clear if the family does or does not want to accept the date made available to them.
  3. For the Shabbat morning service of the Simcha:Boys are offered to lead services, Leyn as much as they like of the Torah portion, to leyn the Haftarah and to give a Dvar Torah.

    Girls are offered a Bat Mitzvah ceremony that can occur in the standard service or a Women & Girls service. Girls are offered similar opportunities in a Women & Girls service. They are also offered to give a Dvar Torah in the standard shul service. The Women & Girls’s service is not obligatory and some families may opt only to do the Dvar Torah in shul or may prefer to mark the occasion over Havdalah or at another appropriate time.

    If your child has any additional needs, please discuss this with the Rabbinic team. There are many creative options that can be discussed to help make this a meaningful experience for your family. These options can be discussed with you at your initial meeting with the Rabbi.

  4. In addition to private Bar/Bat Mitzvah tutors, it is expected that all Bar/Bat Mitzvah children participate in the shul’s Bar/ Bat mitzvah lessons for at least one year. These lessons take place on a Wednesday evening and are currently led by Rabbi Ford.
  5. In the period 1-12 months prior to the child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah it is expected that families will attend Shabbat and/or weekday services as far as is possible on a weekly basis. Boys are encouraged to become familiar with laying Tefilin at the Sunday morning service.
  6. In the period 24-12 months prior to the Bar/Bat mitzvah it is expected that families will attend Shabbat or Sunday morning services on a monthly basis as a minimum. It is recommended that families and the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child should attend services in the year running up to their simcha.
  7. It is customary for the families of the Bar /Bat Mitzvah child to sponsor a kiddush for the community to celebrate with you after the shul service. Two months before the simcha, the family will be advised who to contact to arrange the Kiddish. Families should be sent the guidance on arranging a Kiddush and note the kashrut and food policies in terms of what and how much to buy.
  8. One month before the simcha, a meeting will be arranged with the Rabbi. The Rabbi will talk through the order of the service, discuss with the family when they will bless their child; go over other details such as sweet throwing and what close family will be in Shul so they can be welcomed and where family would like to sit on the day.
  9. One month before the simcha the Shul Administrator will contact the family to put them in touch with the Wardens in order to arrange honours, aliyot (call-ups) on the day.
  10. Bar/Bat Mitzvah children are encouraged to undertake a Chesed project. This could be raising money for a charity, helping the toddlers on Shabbat in Shul, or regularly visiting someone in the community who is house bound. Please speak to the Rabbinic Team for guidance.
  11. Bar Bat mitzvah children are invited to join the Young Wardens programme for in the two years prior to their Bar Bat Mitzvah. Details of this programme will be distributed separately. The programme needs to be booked in with the Wardens asap after your date is arranged as only two spaces are available at any one time.
  12. We encourage parents to engage in the wider shul community in the two years prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah (and hopefully after too!) This is to help set a positive example for your child about communal life and responsibility beyond shul services as well as developing relationships with the people in the community who will be celebrating with you on the day.
  13. Year seven students are invited to join the shul’s social youth programme called R Club which runs also on a Wednesday evening at the shul, after the Bar/Bat Mitzvah class for one hour. This programme is run by the Youth Director and a pizza dinner is usually served. Depending on the numbers of the cohort, the class maybe opened up for year 6 girls and will be determined yearly.Additional Ad hoc activities may also be run in the lead up to your child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah by the Rabbinic team.
  14. Each year a quote will be sought to run a 3-4 day Bar/Bat mitzvah trip for year 7s and one parent to a Jewish place of interest. This trip will be pending cost/funding.
  15. A WhatsApp group is available to join for ease of communication amongst parents.
  16. If you would like to host a party to celebrate your simcha in our shul hall, please contact Jo in the shul office for discounted Bar/Bat Mitzvah rates, office@muswellhillsynagogue.co.uk.
  17. All Bar mitzvah children are invited and encouraged to sing Anim Zmirot during Shabbat morning services and this can start straight away. Girls under 11 will need to be accompaniedby a male who is also singing with them. If this is something that your child would like to do, please speak with the wardens. Certificates/benchers are given when doing Anim Zemirot for the first time.
  18. Please include in your simcha invitations (or a minimum of one month prior to your date) the below information about phones and dress code.
  19. Dress Code for Services
    Muswell Hill Synagogue is a welcoming and inclusive Modern Orthodox community. We ask that all those attending services, including Bar and Bat Mitzvah celebrations, dress in a way that reflects the dignity of the occasion and respects our communal values.Guests appreciate knowing what attire is appropriate so they can feel comfortable and be respectful visitors. We encourage smart and modest clothing.
    For example:
    – Clothing should be at least knee-length and tops should have at least T-shirt length sleeves
    – Midriff-baring and low-cut tops are not appropriate
    – Men and boys are asked to wear a kippah, and traditionally, married women cover their hair.

    Thank you for helping us maintain a warm, respectful, and inclusive atmosphere in our shul.

  20. Mobile Phone Use on Shabbat and Chaggim
    Kindly inform guests about mobile phone usage on the day. In accordance with Jewish law, mobile phones may not be used in the synagogue on Shabbat and Chaggim. Shabbat runs from sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday. The same principle of sundown to sundown applies for the chaggim (Jewish Festivals.)In case of an emergency a mobile phone is available on the premises and anyone requiring urgent medical assistance is encouraged to speak to a Synagogue official.
  21. Post Bar/Bat Mitzvah your child will continue to have the option to attend R club for years 7&8. They will also be offered to undertake GCSE Jewish Studies in years 8&9. Following this a hadracha (leadership) course will be offered which will enable them to become Youth leaders of R Club and the Children’s Shul services.
  22. Should the classes be oversubscribed, priority will be offered to MHS members, followed by other United Synagogue members. Non-US members wishing to join the classes will be invited to a meeting with the rabbinic team before enrollment.
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